Since Mom moved to Texas in September, I've made it a point to help her feel secure and independent as best as I can. With her confusion and overall mental health, she often does things that are unlike herself. I've encouraged staff to let her make her own choices as long as she's safe and cared for. Periodically, I've asked if Mom wanted to see Dad. I've offered her to call him too. Until Christmas Eve Eve, she made no indication that she was ready to see him. Dad, on the other hand, has asked often to see my mom. I've had to explain to him that her mind needs to heal first and that I would make sure she was taken care of. Uncle Louis, Ken (Dad's friend from AR), and I have echoed each other in reassuring Dad. That has not kept him from asking often about Mom, but it has offered some peace as he has waited.
Now, fast forward to Christmas day! Once Mom had voiced her desire to see my dad, I had to think through plans to make that happen. On Christmas evening, I packed up a Christmas meal from our home and went to pick up Mom. I've learned that when family recipes are delicious, there's no need to stray from the traditional meal. So, Christmas included a ham recipe from my mom's dad and the dressing recipe from my dad's mom! Mom and I took the meal to Dad's apartment and surprised him. I had called to let him know I was coming, but didn't tell him Mom was also coming (just in case she changed her mind). No need to image his surprise when you can see the pictures below...
After dinner, Dad and I walked Mom around his memory care. She seemed interested to see that it is a nice, clean community where the staff is super friendly. I had the opportunity to introduce my mom to the president as well as several staff members. All had heard about her for the past few months, so they were anxious to meet her. They were all so sweet to make her feel welcome! We had a brief visit to see Dad's apartment and visit in his room. Then, Mom and I headed out for the evening. Dad walked us to the door and waved good-bye. They both seemed at peace seeing each other and knowing they were doing well. Dad said her visit made his day!
Once Mom and I were back at her memory care, we talked just a little about seeing Dad again. Mom asked to see him the next day and this time she wanted him to visit her. I knew I had a family adventure planned with Russ and the kids so I had to figure out how to make a fast visit happen. I picked Dad up that morning (12/26) and drove him to Mom's place, which is only about 5 minutes away. He did really well. The staff was helpful to make sure he had eaten breakfast and was dressed for an outing. When we arrived at Mom's place, Dad and I walked to her room where she greeted us. We visited outside for a few minutes. Leave it to Texas where you can you visit outside in December and actually be comfortable. Then, Dad wanted to look around the building and see Mom's apartment. They visited in her room for a bit too. I had brought some popcorn snacks, so they ate those and sat in her chair to talk. I've been thankful many times that I got her a chair and a half. The kids often pile in that chair with her too! I waited on the couch just outside Mom's room to give them a moment alone. After about 10-15 minutes, I casually popped in to take a few pictures before Dad and I had to leave. On the way back to his apartment, Dad seemed more calm and satisfied to know that Mom is ok. He could tell that she needs some healing, but also said he is confident that Mom is getting the care she needs.
I have reassured them both that this situation does not have to be forever. They are each receiving the care they need. They are both safe and near each other. My family and I visit them both weekly. I will gladly facilitate visits between my parents. I will continue to take Mom to counseling, as she has asked. Dad receives PT and feels the strength in his legs is improving. I bought him a cane to use at his discretion (not doctor ordered). Over all, they could both use some prayer for their health - mental and physical. They've gone through big changes this year and 2018 will go down as a hard season full of miracles!
Thanks to all who sent cards, texts, and called with curious concern for my parents. After a quick trip to AR, my little family is back in TX and will get those cards to my parents this week. They will both be thrilled to know so many friends and family members care about them so much!!
"He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes."
Deut. 10:21
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